I realized today that since Feb 7, I have only posted 6 things. I used to force my self to post everyday. I need to start forcing myself again. I used to write continuously, lots of it useless crap, but I was writing. Through that writing I at least explore (perhaps, at times overindulge) the item that is presently on my mind. Of late, I have been useless, not just in writings, but in everything. I have no desire to go anywhere, see anyone, or do anything. I am lethargic, beyond the extreme. I have been a shitty friend. I have been a shitty husband. I have been a shitty boss. & I care… but not really. I am becoming jaded to everything around me, and want nothing to do with any of it.
This may be me at my most honest. I am ridiculously tired today… as I have been the last while & don’t have the energy to mask my truth and hint at it under the guise of creativity.
Ever have those days where you don’t want to be at work. Not a job you hate, a job you actually like. You don’t have anywhere else to be, or do, and it may not even be nice out, but for some reason, the last place you want to be is there. That’s how I feel about my life today. I’m done! There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s perfectly good, and I have nothing to be complaining about. But I am completely discontent. I want to leave everything I have, everyone I know and start over or hide.
Relationships, all relationships have limits. What if one reaches there limit and the other hasn’t…………… it doesn’t matter cause I wouldn’t do anything anyway.
I’ll probably, regret posting this later….. I should edit & filter…….
Fuck It!
Happy 420
It’s not always there.
A fleeting moment of perspective.
When isolation is the goal.
And a sense of victory expected at it’s achievement.
Yet, self doubt and a longing for another remains.
Get lost. Find your own way. Seek what you want.
Yet life still somehow requires communion.
That which speaks to the self in a way that could never accurately be expressed.
Or understood fully.
Still, somehow amplified when co-appreciated.
Appreciation does not mandate understanding,
In fact, it renders it meaningless.
Ineffable…. When words can’t describe…..
K, so…..
I have a couple things I’ve written that I kinda want to post, but I’m trying something new. So, maybe tomorrow.
Hahaha….this was a pointless post.
Scratched an itch I guess……..
It’s so easy………the shift. Maybe it’s more of a swing, but either way it’s easy. When your not paying attention.
When forced optimism is negative, wrong and tripe.
Pecimism takes a new form, a turn to positive, a new light.
It’s not about anyone, or anything or even about you. It’s just a swing, that moment of supreme grounding right at the bottom or the moment of weightlessness at the top.
This has no purpose.
Just off the top of my head ramblings.
I have listened to wasting away about 4 times in a row. (it’s the only BJM song on my phone) and I’m too lazy to get up and change the artist.
OK…Hey Rosetta!
Here’s my list
- Buy a keyboard
- Finish things
- Write complete songs
- Focus my writings
- Give space
Some thoughts……
- I don’t understand riding your bike through winter…… Why would you want to travel always moments from falling, doing more work, and barely moving faster than if you had just walked…..all the time just one stupid move from dying….seeing as if you ride your bike in the winter you are, apparently above riding on the sidewalk, instead you’d rather ride your bike inches from my truck. Really it’s really dumb.
- What do you call them…….ZigZags. I went to buy rolling papers last night, and asked for some ‘rollies’. He had no idea what I was talking about. After I explained he said ‘oh rizzlerazzle’………..I said ‘what?’……seriously, what? does no one call them rollies? Rizzlerazzle? WHAT?!?
- HOLY SHIT….Hospital Beds (Hey Rosetta) is the best song I’ve listened too all day!!!
- This is a continuation of an old conversation……………..the existence of the current counter culture……………..It doesn’t exist……..it’s dead. There is no movement, no great acceptance to welcome you in. The counter culture today is no culture. It’s individuality, live your life online, explore every aspect of ‘you’. While technology should be making the world smaller (and it is in one way) it is actually breaking apart community. Your sense of belonging, when unwilling to conform to the great norm, exists only in front of your computer. This is me, I am antisocial, a horrible conversationalist, and rarely find people of value. While traditional subculture allows you the acceptance of who you are, it itself sets an additional set of rules on how to be and, dress outside, talk outside, listen to something other than, this new set of normalcy and you find the same criticisms and judgements as “society”. The current lack of a culture, lets you jump more freely from whatever you feel in that moment. I just quickly put together a playlist of stuff I wanted to listen too, and the last 5 songs were System of a down, Wintersleep, Okkerville River, biz Markie and Hey Rosetta. They don’t go together at all, but I like them, and wanted to here them. I am free to choose in the moment what I subscribe too. It’s momentism…….and i like it!
That’s it……….
