I realized today that since Feb 7, I have only posted 6 things. I used to force my self to post everyday. I need to start forcing myself again. I used to write continuously, lots of it useless crap, but I was writing. Through that writing I at least explore (perhaps, at times overindulge) the item that is presently on my mind. Of late, I have been useless, not just in writings, but in everything. I have no desire to go anywhere, see anyone, or do anything. I am lethargic, beyond the extreme. I have been a shitty friend. I have been a shitty husband. I have been a shitty boss. & I care… but not really. I am becoming jaded to everything around me, and want nothing to do with any of it.
This may be me at my most honest. I am ridiculously tired today… as I have been the last while & don’t have the energy to mask my truth and hint at it under the guise of creativity.
Ever have those days where you don’t want to be at work. Not a job you hate, a job you actually like. You don’t have anywhere else to be, or do, and it may not even be nice out, but for some reason, the last place you want to be is there. That’s how I feel about my life today. I’m done! There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s perfectly good, and I have nothing to be complaining about. But I am completely discontent. I want to leave everything I have, everyone I know and start over or hide.
Relationships, all relationships have limits. What if one reaches there limit and the other hasn’t…………… it doesn’t matter cause I wouldn’t do anything anyway.
I’ll probably, regret posting this later….. I should edit & filter…….
Fuck It!
Happy 420
