This is my glass is half full post. After yestardays slightly stoned and ridiculously depressing post, a little sunshine may be in order. My transition into positivity is helped along by Dan Mangan:
“Ive gotta shout, the time,
Can’t think of a single day
That I’m wasting away, wasted my time
Wishing the world, would fuck off
At least then I could be bitter
And now I’m just, fabulous
You are, fabulous
We’re so fucking, fabulous
We don’t even know it”
So good. He makes me wanna write.
That’s all for now….. I’m at work.
I realized today that since Feb 7, I have only posted 6 things. I used to force my self to post everyday. I need to start forcing myself again. I used to write continuously, lots of it useless crap, but I was writing. Through that writing I at least explore (perhaps, at times overindulge) the item that is presently on my mind. Of late, I have been useless, not just in writings, but in everything. I have no desire to go anywhere, see anyone, or do anything. I am lethargic, beyond the extreme. I have been a shitty friend. I have been a shitty husband. I have been a shitty boss. & I care… but not really. I am becoming jaded to everything around me, and want nothing to do with any of it.
This may be me at my most honest. I am ridiculously tired today… as I have been the last while & don’t have the energy to mask my truth and hint at it under the guise of creativity.
Ever have those days where you don’t want to be at work. Not a job you hate, a job you actually like. You don’t have anywhere else to be, or do, and it may not even be nice out, but for some reason, the last place you want to be is there. That’s how I feel about my life today. I’m done! There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s perfectly good, and I have nothing to be complaining about. But I am completely discontent. I want to leave everything I have, everyone I know and start over or hide.
Relationships, all relationships have limits. What if one reaches there limit and the other hasn’t…………… it doesn’t matter cause I wouldn’t do anything anyway.
I’ll probably, regret posting this later….. I should edit & filter…….
Fuck It!
Happy 420
It’s not always there.
A fleeting moment of perspective.
When isolation is the goal.
And a sense of victory expected at it’s achievement.
Yet, self doubt and a longing for another remains.
Get lost. Find your own way. Seek what you want.
Yet life still somehow requires communion.
That which speaks to the self in a way that could never accurately be expressed.
Or understood fully.
Still, somehow amplified when co-appreciated.
Appreciation does not mandate understanding,
In fact, it renders it meaningless.
Ineffable…. When words can’t describe…..
