It’s so easy………the shift. Maybe it’s more of a swing, but either way it’s easy. When your not paying attention.
When forced optimism is negative, wrong and tripe.
Pecimism takes a new form, a turn to positive, a new light.
It’s not about anyone, or anything or even about you. It’s just a swing, that moment of supreme grounding right at the bottom or the moment of weightlessness at the top.
This has no purpose.
Just off the top of my head ramblings.
I have listened to wasting away about 4 times in a row. (it’s the only BJM song on my phone) and I’m too lazy to get up and change the artist.
OK…Hey Rosetta!
Here’s my list
- Buy a keyboard
- Finish things
- Write complete songs
- Focus my writings
- Give space
This is old. I recently read a friends blog, that for some reason, reminded me of this or, at least where my head was at when I wrote it.
Anyway, despite being old I still like it………
There’s grace in acceptance…………..I’ve said it once, or twice………..it’s crap.
The fact is there is no acceptance, always longing.
It’s nature, to never be stagnant, to always be moving, and wanting more, never content with what you have & to just be.
Logic plays no role here, I’ve tried. It’s little victories get demolished by waves of emotional bullshit.
Reality dictates a futile cause non the less.
That which is, needs to be, and run a course not yet determined. That which is longed for, can’t be, the course to be run is nonexistent……now.
It is not something to be waited for, it will always be the green grass.
There is no right answer or course of action, there is only hard and hard.
I regret nothing (I never do), I just wish.
It’s strange. I feel like I want to write, but also that I shouldn’t. When I say write, really, I mean post to this blog. It’s also strange, that I have been writing a lot of lyrics lately….mostly crap, but I’m fine with that. It’s strange because I almost always write strictly music. Music with no real focus or clear destination (as I never write lyrics). I have never been the lyric man, but now I am writing lyrics with no music……..it’s very strange.
What does this mean?
Probably nothing……..
What it Means to Me……perhaps a recurring thing. This ones on music.
Recently I’ve had a number of conversations about escaping. That’s what music is, an escape. An escape from the world, not your problems or joys, but the world. Everything going on inside your head/ heart gets played out through music. It amplifies and diminishes, gives you focus to thought and feeling. Try to hard and you loose the groove, but when you are in it, it is transcendental. Pain doesn’t so much hurt, but is expressed. Sheer joy is revealed. Memories & moments replayed.
It is a transcendental escape.
Some thoughts……
- I don’t understand riding your bike through winter…… Why would you want to travel always moments from falling, doing more work, and barely moving faster than if you had just walked…..all the time just one stupid move from dying….seeing as if you ride your bike in the winter you are, apparently above riding on the sidewalk, instead you’d rather ride your bike inches from my truck. Really it’s really dumb.
- What do you call them…….ZigZags. I went to buy rolling papers last night, and asked for some ‘rollies’. He had no idea what I was talking about. After I explained he said ‘oh rizzlerazzle’………..I said ‘what?’……seriously, what? does no one call them rollies? Rizzlerazzle? WHAT?!?
- HOLY SHIT….Hospital Beds (Hey Rosetta) is the best song I’ve listened too all day!!!
- This is a continuation of an old conversation……………..the existence of the current counter culture……………..It doesn’t exist……..it’s dead. There is no movement, no great acceptance to welcome you in. The counter culture today is no culture. It’s individuality, live your life online, explore every aspect of ‘you’. While technology should be making the world smaller (and it is in one way) it is actually breaking apart community. Your sense of belonging, when unwilling to conform to the great norm, exists only in front of your computer. This is me, I am antisocial, a horrible conversationalist, and rarely find people of value. While traditional subculture allows you the acceptance of who you are, it itself sets an additional set of rules on how to be and, dress outside, talk outside, listen to something other than, this new set of normalcy and you find the same criticisms and judgements as “society”. The current lack of a culture, lets you jump more freely from whatever you feel in that moment. I just quickly put together a playlist of stuff I wanted to listen too, and the last 5 songs were System of a down, Wintersleep, Okkerville River, biz Markie and Hey Rosetta. They don’t go together at all, but I like them, and wanted to here them. I am free to choose in the moment what I subscribe too. It’s momentism…….and i like it!
That’s it……….
My last playlist……AWESOME!! It does exactly what I wanted, it fits exactly where I wanted it to fit.
Not that you probably care, but I felt like sharing. My phone needs a CAPS button so I don’t have to continually hit shift. LOL.
It’s a little slow here in truck land……….
I don’t want to go home.
I’m just sitting here…..by myself @ the weir, about to Smoke a joint.
All because I don’t want to go home.
This isn’t a feel sorry for me, or an I’m feeling sorry for myself kinds thing. I was just having a smoke and thinking it’s kinds fucked up how much I avoid my home.
Whatever…..I’ll be good soon
All this drama, for what?
Something that will never be.
It’s redundant anyway.
The fact is I’m an asshole
and probably shouldn’t be with anyone.
So what, is all of this for fun?
Cause it’s not.
I’m in a pissy assed fuckin mood
all I want to do is go for a drive
listen to RIDICULOUSLY loud music
and scream at the top of my lungs
I don’t.
Why cause it makes my wife sad
& I don’t fucking care!
I’m going……………………..Why do I feel like a rebellious teenager
This is fuckin retarded.
I’m not up. I’m not down. I’m ambivelent.
No I’m Sigur Ros! I’m Samskeyti…This song has been described to me as sounding like The Hulk, walking through the city at night, sad, slowly changing to Bruce Bannor………I guess that’s me today.
Lost a bit of fight.
Might as well listen
Samskeyti (live) – Sigur Ros
The final chapter…..of this book but the next one soon begins. This is the epilogue of November. It needs to be said so that December can start fresh.
Why was November such a difficult month, personally? Discovery. We are curious. It’s human nature to explore the unknown. Our history is full of great and horrible proof of that. When something is discovered, but not explored, it eats at us.
That’s all November was. As far as I’m concerned, should situations have been different, and exploration capable, friendship is still all that would have been found. And anything else is pure speculation, and pointless.
On to December……….
